A Couple of Weeks(?) In

My baby's hand holding my husband's hand. Done on the 11th May as he turned 20 months.

I've been trying to draw daily. I really have. But I have missed a few days, and most of the time I'm really only drawing every second day or so. But I am trying! I actually find it really challenging to do something everyday as I either don't feel like it or something else comes up in my limited toddler-free time! Anyway, it's currently 11:30pm (WAY past my bedtime! LOL), and I can't sleep, so here I am. 

I've never been someone who's really into "art" per se. I've always "just" wanted to draw or design nice things. I've never really delved deeply into "art" and the subjectivity of a lot of it. In all honesty, I often found a lot of it just too convoluted and irrelevant to me. And even though I often did quite well in them, I never really saw the point of writing long essays on artworks. That said, I've been surprised at how personal my little "daily" drawing project sometimes becomes. I assumed I'd "just" draw things that were on my mind at the different times, but in putting pencil or pen to paper, I've found these little sketches becoming more personal than I originally intended. 

My toddler found great joy in playing with bubbles and his daddy. It makes me really happy to see his joy in life's small things...

Anyone who follows me on Facebook or Instagram will have (likely) seen these pics and others. And the things I've written about/with them have ended up being more personal than I intended as well. I then look back and think 'oh, I really didn't mean to share that much, but oh well, it's done now'!

The caption I wrote with this on Instagram was: "I don't have a lot of faith in people. People have never really done well by me. And I've never really been good at getting on with them. I was bullied or simply ignored throughout school, and I was nasty to others growing up as well. My faith in others decreases all the more when I see Donald Trump stories and the comments his followers make; I worry not only for this country but for the world if he becomes president. I haven't got a lot of close friends, and I don't have lifetime friendships the way many people do. I have done things I will regret forever, and things that others have done that I will never forget.
Yet despite all of this, there are flickers of hope in there. My family has always been there for me, and I have the most amazing, caring husband. We have a son who is already everything I'm not, and the friends I do have, I care for so much because true friendships are a rarity for me. I consciously need to remind myself daily of these people who mean the world to me, and I hold onto the hope that perhaps there is more good in people than I often give credit for."
Seems a bit personal when I look back on it, but I've just been drawing what's going through my head at the time, and those were my thought processes at that moment. It's sort of cathartic in some ways...

And now I think I really should go sleep as my eyes feel very heavy...

A New Project...

An empty page holds so many possibilities...

I bought this little Moleskine notebook yesterday. Aside from loving their products, I've set myself a "small" new challenge. And that is to draw something each day in this little notebook. I've been thinking a lot about my future and where I'd like to be in 20 or so years' time. And I figure that if I eventually want a career in something arty, I need to up my game and do more, instead of just twiddling away every now and then on some big, intricate drawing that takes me a lot of time and focus. With a toddler, I don't even have that much time to do that, yet I feel like I still need to continue to develop my craft like anyone. The goal of my little project is not to think too much and just draw. I realise I think way too much, usually, and this leads down the path of no productivity, anxiety and time wastage. So this could get a little personal as I'm just going to draw what's on my mind at the time. (No, I am not giving up on the Loki picture!) I also find that art, like many things, takes a lot of practise. Regular practise. So I guess I see lots of benefits to doing this. 

Today's little sketch is ballet. Ballet has been on my mind a lot recently, especially in the past 24 hours as I managed to up my ballet levels (gosh, what a nerdy way of putting it!), and move to a slightly more advanced level of dance. I have an amazing teacher who seems to whole-heartedly encourage it, even though I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a bit intimidated at flouncing around in class with little idea of what I'm doing! But it's been so enjoyable, and I feel like I'm working toward a lifelong goal and dream of continuing something (else) I gave up on  years and years ago. But regardless of me actually doing it, I've always loved the artform. It's one of the most beautiful things (I think), yet simultaneously so amazing in that dancers have to be so fit, in touch with their bodies and strong. I don't think a lot of people quite realise just how strong you need to be!!

So that's what's been on my mind today (aside from my toddler, of course). 

These sketches are not going to be amazing works of art; more a way for me to practise and let loose a bit and stop being so anxious about drawing and doing something I've always loved. I told my husband yesterday that I spend so much time looking at other people's work (mainly on Instagram), feeling intimidated then not doing anything, which really hasn't got me anywhere. So I really want to just let go and not think too much.

If I manage to continue this (which I really hope I can do), I'm actually looking forward to getting to the end of the book and looking back on all the past sketches. (I hope I see improvement along the way!)

Furthermore, I also have a time limit for these. To ensure I don't take forever (like usual), I'm going to try and get them done in the time that my toddler is asleep during the day (unless I'm out somewhere and doing it away from home). He usually naps anywhere between 90 to 120 minutes, which may seem like quite a long time, but I usually have other things to do in that time, so the drawing sort of needs to be crammed in. 

So there we go. Here's to self improvement and growth. :-) I guess that's partly what art's about, right? :-) 

Purposeful Drawing!

I've been rather quiet on this blog lately. Mainly because I am simply so slow and drawing and creating any art at all. My excuse is that I'm a mother and I have limited time for art. But realistically, I think I'm just slow. LOL.

*****

I was recently inspired by a meme going around on Facebook saying that Vera Wang wasn't in fashion until her 40s and Stan Lee hadn't published his first major comic book until he was 40 and some other facts like that. It gave me a bit of hope that I still have time to develop a career for myself, despite all the time I've spent "experimenting" and generally messing things up! Being married to someone who's known all his life what he's wanted to do isn't really easy when you really haven't spent your time the way they have developing a career in something you love. 

But I digress. The whole point of this update is to spur myself on. I've been doing the above WIP (work in progress) for ages, now. And I think part of the reason why I'm so slow is that I'm really just drawing for no reason at all. But as this year speeds by (how is it already the end of April?!?!?!), I'm not that far away from having my toddler begin pre-school (OMG!), which means I'm not that far away from thinking about my future and completing my education. And all art schools require portfolios. So from now until then, I'm drawing for the sake of putting together a portfolio that is (hopefully) worthy of applying to some schools. And that means completing things! So it feels good to have a purpose, and it feels great to work toward a career and a future. :-) It also feels good to think that I may actually complete some of these drawings I start! Ha...

Anyway, I thought I'd just continue this blog and encourage myself to keep going. But for now, I think I'll go sleep...!

From Joker to Loki (hopefully!)

This started off looking very much like the Joker from Batman. (Wrong villain, self.) Thankfully, I think it's starting to look a bit less like Joker. 😅

Superheroes?

Scuse the terrible, terrible lighting...

I have a slight confession: I have a soft spot for Loki from Thor. Not in the celebrity crush kind of way (that would be Alexander Skarsgard. LOL), more that I can relate to him, regardless of the fact that I'm not a huge fan of the infinite superhero movies and shows that Hollywood just spews out these days. (Although the superpowers would be pretty cool to have.) (Heck, I see more of them already than I'd like, being married to someone who watches them all and can also tell you all their backstories and anything else about them!) But Loki, I like. Why? Because, essentially, he's a raging adoptee. And, let's face it, that's what I've been for a good portion of my life! Sure, I may not have killed either of my parents or attempted to kill my sister, but a lot of what Loki goes through, I can relate to. It's hard finding the other part of yourself that you've never known. Not to mention getting acquainted with the people and culture you come from. Ugh. However, it does amuse me how much adoption and not-knowing-where-you-came-from is used so frequently by Hollywood and the entertainment industry in general. Is it just entertaining to see people be confused about their heritage/s or something?? That said, this has spurred me on and encouraged me to start pursuing some art that's deeply personal to me and that's been in the back of my mind for years, now. It's one thing to pick out a picture of a random animal or celebrity from the internet and replicate it, it's another to put your personal feelings and thoughts and part of yourself into some form of art; it can be very confronting. But y'know, we all have to start somewhere, and so here I am: admitting that I may actually make personal art one of these days; something that actually means something to me: something that may resonate with people and/or make people think just a little. But in the meantime, I'm drawing superheroes. Or villains. Or whatever you want to call them. I'm also continuing on in my bad, BAD tradition of starting something new before finishing the last thing. Worst habit ever.

I "found" an art supplies shop in San Francisco today. It was awesome.